Two Months Later...It Still Hurts
Two months ago, I wrote a therapeutic, honest blog about the grieving process that comes after a hard - and unexpected - breakup.
At that time, I had numerous followers and friends reach out and assure me that things would get better in time - that the crying episodes would become less frequent, that the physical pain would lessen and lessen and that the overwhelming melancholy mood would lift. And to those people, I say: you were right...and I admit that I was wrong if I told you that could never be possible.
But, I'll be honest again: it's been two months, and it still hurts. It just hurts in a different way now.
My world is no longer upside down. Eight weeks later, my world is right side up...but I'm still getting used to this new normal, this new "right side up." I still have not established new, lasting routines, I am still adjusting to the disappearance of some friends who fled after the breakup, and I am still trying to figure out what I want in my future. But, I'm actively working towards all of it - no longer flat-lining and stagnant.
My sporadic cry sessions have become less frequent - no more tears in Costco aisles or in the shower. But come nighttime when I want to be snuggled up against my person, the tears still find their way out. When I go to any of "our" places, I find myself getting weepy too. It's still overwhelming when it hits, but it's not as hard and heavy-hitting and debilitating as it was even 4 weeks ago.
The silver linings are easier to find - I have more free time, I am seeing quality friends more, and I've been embarking on a lot of exciting career ventures. The moments of feeling okay, independent, hopeful, strong and resilient are longer and more well-sustained, but the moments of longing for companionship and support (and nights spent reading, exploring new trails, playing in the ocean) still find ways to sneak in between the "good" days.
Mostly, my pain is no longer weighing heavily all the time. It's not overwhelming, debilitating and constant. Instead, when it is trigged by some reminder, it hits sharply and acutely. And, it still hurts like a bitch.
So, it's been two months and it still hurts. It just hurts in a different way now...and for now, I'm just going to keep feeling and healing.