Recovery, Part 5
Yesterday was my last day on crutches...again...for the third time in under two years. Yikes.
Compared to the last two times where I felt total elation, today has been filled with mixed emotions, which took me by surprise.
I went on a walk with Nick today along the sand of Pacific Beach - a short half mile. It was exciting to walk on the beach and feel the sand underneath both of my feet...without my crutches sinking into the sand and without people staring at me. It was exciting to carry my cup of coffee to my table at Dark Horse on a friend co-working date with Antonette. I felt like a normal, functioning human.
Walking along the sand was really freaking hard. Like, out of breath, struggling to walk at even a slow pace hard. I had to stop halfway through. It wasn't this hard the last two times. Why now?!
The right side of my low back is killing me right now. I'm distanced from movement - even a month took a toll on my body. My hip area is uncomfortable too...but not in pain.
Why am I not totally happy about being able to walk?! Why am I in discomfort?!
I don't know what's coming next. I've heard so many opinions on when I can start running slowly again. From immediately to three months to a year to never again. I'm definitely going to take an undecided period of time off, but in the meantime, what do I do? I hate swimming and I don't have a bike. How do I find the same mental release as I did with running? Will I be able to? Will my life look entirely different from today forward? Things feel a little bleak right now.
I have a lot of feelings - and this third hip fracture is bringing out most of them. We'll have to wait and see what's next. For now, processing and experiencing and feeling.