It Just Takes One
Warning: this is written in stream of consciousness...and now you can maybe get a glimpse of how jumbled my thoughts can be!
For the first time in almost two months, I finally went to November Project on Monday morning.
While I still went every single morning the previous two times I was on crutches with a fractured hip, I haven't been up to it this time around. I used to go and hang out on injury deck, getting in some solid ab and arm work and cheering on those around me who did the full workout. I loved absorbing the positive energy around me - and I was really determined to stay active and keep a routine. This time around though, I've honestly spiraled hard into a depression that's made me bristle at the thought of going. The thought of being around friends who could run (who would then complain about running!) was too much for me to handle. And I hate that I can be so jealous, petty and bitter. But, I knew I was going to get down on myself if I showed up. So, I didn't. For weeks and weeks and weeks. I truly thought (and mostly still think, honestly) that no one cared. Out of sight, out of mind. Plus, who wanted to pity me a third time around? Been there, done that. Third time was not a charm.
Anyways, I went. My best friend's mom was in town, and she believed I could use the hugs more than I knew. So, I made a vow that I would go with her, so I showed up.
I rolled out my yoga mat and began a deck (4 exercises - corresponding to suit...the numbers guide how many reps) of simple, redundant ab exercises, while I watched my friends run past, laughing. I was with two other injured friends, so I had company, but I'm not going to lie...it was hard. It was hard to watch everyone do what I wished so badly I could do (hell, even walk!). It was hard to do the same exercises that I'd essentially done for eight months while I couldn't bear weight (there's not too much variety of bodyweight exercises that don't make you bear weight on your legs). I felt numb and not really in sync with anything going on around me.
While I hobbled away after the workout and photos ended, I told Nick that I couldn't come back to November Project if I was on crutches...and even if I was off, but couldn't run. I knew I needed to prioritize what was going to make me happy to recover. I topped it off by adding that no one even noticed I was at NP, so it wouldn't matter anyways. The entire time, I got about two hello's. Nick shook his head at me and told me he didn't understand.
On my way to get coffee, I cried to myself. I was having a pitiful "why me?" moment that I'm ashamed to admit. But, let's be real, we're all there at some point. I questioned why I was being tested with another injury and then questioned why I was being so pitiful, mopey and self-centered. It was a dangerous cycle.
After snagging a cup of coffee with a few people after, I went home and sat on my couch with my cat curled on my chest. Then my phone pinged.
On Instagram, a girl from November Project who I've only met maybe two or three times sent me a message reading: "I was so glad to see you at NP today! Wanted to give you a hug <3 <3."
And, in that moment, I seemed to have a change of heart. I softened.
She told me the exact same thing that my friends had been telling me. So why did it matter so much? Why did it provoke such a strong reaction (that yes, brought me to tears)?
Sometimes, the closer people are to you, the harder it can be to hear.
And, all it took was one. One single message. One single person. Just one. One person to break through my bitter shell that I had constructed over the last few weeks.
So, while I haven't made up my mind on what I'm going to do in regards to November Project, this blog isn't about that.
It's about reaching out. You never know how far down a spiral a person could be and how much your words could truly mean to them. You never know how much you could touch a person who needs it in that moment more than ever. You never know the impact you can make on someone's day and their entire mindset. So, smile at those around you, reach out, tell people you love them and you're happy to see them.
All it takes is just one.
Thank you, Mona.